The Conversation, part 1

This is actually a repost from my pleonast blog

from August of 2007. Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------

Jim looked down at his cell phone, he had forgotten to take it off the silent setting and its buzzing had reminded him that it was in his pocket. It was Amy calling. A wry smile crossed his lips - this could be unpleasant.

"Hey."

"Hey." he answered trying to not betray the tension that had been building in him.

"So what are you doing Friday J?" Her voice was perky. Why was she always so perky at the wrong time?

"Ummm, nothing, probably just hanging at my place, watching some T.V., playing on my computer." This was going to be hard.

"Sounds like a plan, but how about a better one?" She was a sweet girl, really, but didn't she know she was killing him? "That new Matt Johnson movie is out, and since you've been taking me out alot recently, I thought I'd repay you the favor."

"No."

The silence was deafening.

"Ok." Her voice sounded suddenly strained. "Is there something you want to do - get dinner, hang out?"

"No." He had heard it got easier saying no after the first time. It wasn't.

"What's wrong?" Amy's voice was now showing definite concern with a shade of upset.

"This whole thing is wrong..."

"But!"

"Hold on Amy, just listen for a sec, don't get upset on me, just listen." Jim was beginning to feel sick. "How long have we been friends Amy? How long have I been here for you like this? You keep asking me to act like I never felt anything for you, like we never had anything. I watch you date these guys, these... How can you date guys like them? Then you expect me to just be here whenever and act like everything is great. I can't do this anymore."

"But Jim..."

"No, I can't do this any more. I'm sick of playing the big brother, sick of being the best friend." He paused and looked disgusted for a moment. "I'm not saying that it isn't a worthy thing, a good thing to be friends, I just can't be this for you. I've had to bury all these feelings for so long - it's tearing me apart from the inside."

She was crying. Jim wanted to shoot himself - no that wouldn't be painful enough. He never could stand to hear a woman cry, and hearing Amy, who had been so dear to him for so long was tortuous. And he had made her cry.

"Amy... I can't... Please stop crying. I can't describe to you what you have meant to me or how much I care for you. The one time I tried, you nearly ran to get away from me. But you can't care for me the way I do for you, and I can't keep being this close to you - it's killing me. Please, just please, let me go."